Grieving Seasons

I know….it’s been a while. I have intentionally scaled back my schedule and made time for me to actually stop being “busy” long enough to actually think. Whew! It has truly been just what I needed. In my reflection of everything that is going on and the new “normal” that we are being forced to adjust to, I found myself feeling a bit sad about everything that I’ve missed over the last few months. I realized that I’ve suffered a few losses that I minimized initially, but have come to realize that they are indeed losses and deserve to be given the space to be grieved over.

Summer has always been my favorite season. Ever since I was a child, I would look forward to the last day of school because I knew that a few things were in the horizon: summer cookouts with family, cute outfits with matching sandals (I was quite girly, blame my mom), Father’s Day, my Mom’s birthday in July and our annual family trip just to name a few. To add, I have never really been a fan of cold weather, so longer and sunny days were right down my alley. The nostalgia of it was brought into my adult life even as I began to cultivate new memories and traditions.

As an adult, I have continued to look forward to summer and the joy or rooftop brunches with friends, trips to the beach (often in other countries), outdoor concerts and celebrations, and celebrating Father’s Day and my mother’s birthday in a big way. However, I have felt that these experiences were robbed from me in the wake of the current pandemic. Some of these I have been able to do at all, while some have been modified to properly allow for social distancing. I look back at the events of last summer and the summers before with a bittersweet feeling. I realized that the dreams I had for this season in particular-trips I had planned, celebrations with loved ones and even being able to spend time with my friends/loved without the concern about sickness were crushed.

It hit me this week, and to be honest I still find myself fluctuating between being okay with postponing everything until next year and feeling some sadness about what I’ve missed. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has experienced losses in this season, even if it’s the loss of the expectation of the season itself.

When we talk about grief, we often talk about it being in the form or losing a person. However, grief can really apply to any loss that is significant to you and that impacts you emotionally due to the disconnection. During this pandemic, we have all experienced losses to varying degrees. That does not mean that we should minimize the losses that did not necessarily involved people. We should give ourselves the space and grace to properly grieve the season-whatever that means for you. It could even be as simple as the loss of a sense of normalcy. Feelings are not to be judged-they give us information. If you are feeling a bit of sadness because of what you have lost in this season, give space for that.

I also want to encourage you that the light in all of this is the fact that we had the ability to love, to create traditions and relationships that we actually do miss in this season. Are are blessed to have/have had those experiences. In addition, we can make a vow to value these connections, experiences and seasons more in the future.

Sending prayer, love and Light to us all as we navigate these challenging times.

-Brandy Shavon, CEO of Pearls of Esther, Inc.

Changing Your Perspective....

I’ve been thinking about Isaiah 43:19 lately, which says “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”  I was having a conversation with a friend recently and this Scripture came up. Looking carefully, I noticed that the first thing that God is saying is to “SEE.” Its like somehow the individuals being addressed had blinders on that somehow kept them from being able to see, or maybe they were looking in the WRONG direction. Either way, they were in the midst of something amazing and the one thing that could have kept them from experiencing it in its fullness was their own perception (or lack thereof).

One of the things that I always pray is that I am able to see the awesome things that God is doing in my life and actually SEE them. Like, not just look at them but actually be able to perceive that they are good. Human nature is to look back at circumstances or situations long after they are over and say “Man, I had it good at that job/in that relationship/in that house, etc.and just didn’t know it.” I want to experience the fullness of everything that is good in my life, while they are present.

Sometimes, our limited sight is not only where we are looking or that we are not looking but the result of our blindness from past experiences. Usually, when something new is introduced, there is a period of discomfort as we adjust to the “new” thing. And sometimes we cannot see the new thing because looking at our past (whether good or bad) is more comforting. Isn’t it crazy that we can even use pain as comfort (that’s a whoooole other blog, lol)? Then God goes on to be like,”maaaaan look, do you NOT SEE what I am doing here (paraphrased)?!” So, either we are distracted by looking in the wrong direction or we are just plainly looking backwards at past experiences which keeps us from seeing the “new” that God is doing in our lives. Either way, the problem is not that we don’t have sight and CAN’T see. The problem is that we have sight but we are CHOOSING where to look-which can often times be in the wrong direction. The important piece to being able to see what God is doing in our lives is in choosing to not allow the comfort of our past to dictate how we see our present or even our future.

Another key is that whenever God is doing something new, it is important that we do not hang on to the past things He did, even if those past things were GOOD. Not only are we to not cling to tightly to the bad things of our past, but GOOD is often the enemy of GREAT. This means that we will keep boxing God in to how He did things in the past and stunt our ability to believe Him for more because we do not like the discomfort of our faith being tested.

Whatever you may be facing today, ask God to give you the ability to SEE what He is doing. To help you to shift your gaze from what may be comfortable and familiar to be able to fully see the new things that He is doing in your life and in your circumstances.

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Launching and Marketing Your Business

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Launching and Marketing Your Company

By Tawni Fears of The Tawni Logues, LLC.

Starting your own company can be equally as frightening as it is thrilling. You have no idea if it will work. You are unsure if others will support your vision. The truth is, you learn more about yourself stepping out on faith than anything else. While everyone can experience a unique journey, there are essential foundational needs that apply to any company regardless of the type.

Here are a few things to consider:

Your "Why": So many people want to be a “boss,” but running a company requires a servant leader. Someone who will crawl, humble themselves and look for avenues they can use to really assist other people.  Remember, money follows good intentions.

Service: Be sure to study good service. How often do we hear that good customer service is lacking? Unfortunately, minor businesses are often the ones highlighted when the service is less than spectacular. You can be exceptional by being true to your word, beating deadlines, being swift when it comes to following up with inquiries, and giving real expectations for what you can and cannot do. Good service is the absolute best form of marketing. Your clients will be excited to share with others what you do.

Grow: Seek to grow not just in revenue, but in peace and education. Spend time focusing on giving yourself more so that it will be evident in your company. Read articles and books that pertain to your passion.

Network:  If you bother to network, it actually works! It is not about making new friends, but everyone needs valuable connections. Have you looked into free events in your city? How many new business cards have you gained this year? Do you actually contact any of those people? Your circle can determine so much.

I would like to leave you an affirmation that can be prayed/spoken over your business on a regular basis:

"I will succeed in monumental ways this year. My business idea will land in the right hands. The funds I need will be provided. I will not be stressed. I will flourish doing what I have been called to do. I am thanking God right now for my growth."

 

Success is yours,

Tawni S. Fears

Owner of The Tawni Logues, LLC.

 

The Tawni Logues, LLC is a boutique communications firm helping to build brands and companies through sharp and strategic writing and editing services. The company specializes in unique approaches to getting each client’s point across. Tawni Fears and The Tawni Logues, LLC were recognized in the Atlanta Tribune as a rising business owner and company to watch. Tawni Fears was  a 2017 Who's Who in Black Atlanta honoree.

CLIENTS:
Ambassador Andrew Young
The Ludacris Foundation
The Vortex & Asics
Angel McCoughtry Dream Foundation
Gregory B. Levett & Sons Funeral Home & Crematory, Inc.
Atlanta Falcons
Daron Jones of 112

 

 

 

The Fascade of Bitterness

Ya'll (and yes I said that in my country accent). My coworker  gave me some advice just the other day that I have to share. I don't think she even realizes how powerful what she said was. It shifted some things in my thinking and I am positive that it will do the same for you!

We were discussing a negative experience that I had that left a bad impression on me, if I am totally honest. I began to tell her how I was reminded of the experience recently and it caused me to shut down emotionally and not even want to discuss the experience.After some time of listening, she asked me if I would be open to trying again and I responded with "absolutely not!" She then said something that really caused me to think. She said, "Don't allow yourself to become bitter because of one bad experience. Sometimes we allow ourselves to go into feeling bitter because it protects us from really processing through the pain of disappointment."  I promise you I got quiet and just sat there for like a whole minute (LOL!). I realized that shutting down emotionally to anything may feel like we are healing when in fact we are suppressing our pain and allowing bitterness to take root.

Bitterness is not a good thing, but sometimes it is the EASY thing. Its easier to say, "I will NEVER ______ again" rather than really process and pray through the disappointment that we felt when we tried and yet failed. Feeling failure/disappointment isn't something that one processes overnight. There will often be tears, lots of prayers, some confusion about what went wrong, and even some unanswered questions. But the good news is that with time we get to the point that we no longer need answers to every single question-we just determine that we are willing to trust God to try again even if we do not fully understand why things didn't turn out the way that we thought the last time. And the tricky thing about bitterness is that we often don't know that its there-until we are faced with reminders of the person/place/thing that caused us to feel the disappointment or feelings of failure in the first place.

Today, I want to challenge you to be honest with yourself about dreams/desires that you have given up on because you felt disappointed. It really is okay! God is so gentle to walk us through our healing process when we are honest with ourselves and truly honest with Him. Oh, the places you'll go when there are no negative emotions blocking you from dreaming and having faith again.

Until next time, much love:)

Making Thankfulness a Habit

If you're like me, you're anxiously awaiting tomorrow (Thanksgiving Day) to share good food, laughs, and fun with loved ones and friends. Often during this time, we begin to think of the things that we are or should be grateful for. The fact that the name of the holiday is "Thanksgiving" points our hearts and minds towards a state of gratitude. While there is always a good time to be grateful, we often don't practice thankfulness enough if we are honest. I am guilty of it myself! Staying in a constant state of thankfulness can be challenging when life can throw so many "curve balls" to shift our focus.

Psalm 92:1-2 says, "It is good to give thanks to the Lord, and to sing praises to Your name....to declare your loving kindness in the morning, and Your faithfulness every night." This Scripture is so interesting because it mentions that giving thanks is good for us, and also mentions doing it in the morning and every night. I presume that this is profitable to us because giving thanks in the morning sets our perspective BEFORE any challenges of the day come, and giving thanks at night reminds us of what God is doing or has done for us AFTER the challenges have come. Either way, remaining in a state of thankfulness keeps us from focusing on our challenges and shifts our  perspectives to the One who has kept us through those challenges.

It's amazing how quickly thanksgiving shifts perspective. Once you begin to list the things you have to be thankful for, you will quickly find that you have wayyy more things to be thankful for than things to complain about. And the things that we are thankful for are quite possibly things that we once complained about! Thankfulness allows us to see that no matter what we face in life, things always work out the way they are supposed to and if we trust God, He has a habit of working them out wayyy better than we could have imagined.

I want to challenge you (and myself) to develop a habit of being thankful. Not just tomorrow as we gather with family and friends for food and fellowship. But when we wake up the day after, or the week after, when we are on our way to work, when we are facing difficult circumstances. In everything. Because we have far more to be thankful for-all it takes is shifting our gaze to focus on what we have instead of what we wish that we had:)

Focusing on Your Lane

Few people know this about me, but I absolutely LOVE Track and Field. I love to watch competitions both at track meets as well as on television. I am always happy when track season rolls around! I was having a conversation with a friend last weekend about track and field and as we were talking, a thought hit me: running track is a lot like our real lives. We are running a race in which it is imperative to keep our eyes on our own lane.

According to the rules of the Track and Field Division of the Olympics, an athlete can be disqualified for running outside of the assigned lane. Therefore, it is imperative that the athlete keep their eyes focused on the lane in which they have been assigned. See where this is going? Where our eyes go, our bodies can eventually follow. This means that we are tasked with two things: a) to run our race, and b) to do so while focusing primarily on our own lane (purpose) in which we have been assigned.

This does not come easy, especially with the media and societal standards constantly scream at us that we should be doing something other than what we are doing. That we should be focusing on something other than what we are focusing on. That we should run a race other than the one that we have been assigned to run by our Creator. And its totally human nature to look to see what others are doing to judge if we should speed up our process or if we can "coast" and bit and slow down. However, it isn't possible to be focused on the GOAL/FINISH line AND focused on the person running in the lane next to us. We have to choose one.

Another interesting thing about focusing on the "lanes" around us is that if we focus on someone else's lane when we have been tasked with running in our own, we may mistakenly cause them to fall or disrupt them running their race. We can do by veering into their lane. One person veering into another person's lane during a race can and will throw that other person off course. So, its important that we stay focused on our "lane" for ourselves as well as for the benefit of those around us!  

I strongly believe that God is creative and wise enough to give us all very unique gifts, just like He gave us all very unique fingerprints. Think about it: there are millions of musicians all over the world, but they all have a unique sound and unique message to the world. I like artists such as PJ Morton, and Jill Scott, and India Arie to name a few. All soulful music, but different voices, different melodies, and different messages. Whatever your gift/talent is, you don't have to worry about what everyone else is doing in the "lane" in which they have been assigned to run. You have to focus on your own craft and honing in on your unique gift/talent that God has given you to share with others. This doesn't mean that you won't have any knowledge of those around you and what God has called them to do or how they are carrying it out. However, it does mean that you will be more focused on your own FINISH LINE that you won't dwell in a place of worrying about what's going on in the "lane" next to you.

Although this was a very practical example, I believe that we can apply it as we are pursuing our purpose so that we don't get so caught up in looking around us that we miss the GOAL that is placed in front of us.

"Similarly, anyone who competes as an athlete does not receive the victor’s crown except by competing according to the rules." - 2 Timothy 2:5

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How to "BE"

I get it. We want to be everything to everyone that we love, even if it is at the expense of us sacrificing our rest, time alone, time to kick back and just laugh, etc. There's always just "one" more thing to do before we can finally kick our shoes off and really relax. We have somehow been able to balance out the world and make sure everyone is "okay" (or so we think). But how do we know when we are indeed worn out with the daily pressures of work, family, school, etc. and need to take some time out for ourselves without feeling guilty? Let's face it-being "busy" is sometimes worn as a badge of honor and makes us feel "needed." However, the reality of that mindset is that being "busy" to the point of our own demise can leave us feeling more insufficient than we would be if we took a moment to STOP and allow ourselves to just......BE. Even if just for a moment.

A few weeks ago I was having a conversation with someone about how some of the "projects" that I had been working on either were on pause or were slowing down. The issue that I was having was that I felt guilty for having some "down time" for a change. I felt like I was wasting time to take a moment to kick back and watch mindless television (hehe), to take a stroll through the mall (without buying anything, HA!), or to call a friend that I hadn't spoken to in a while and catch up on life. I had become so accustomed to feeling overwhelmed and always "busy" that I actually thought that to be otherwise was a "waste of time." Imagine that! The irony of it all is that in moments when I am extremely busy, I wish I had a moment to kick back and do nothing. See how that works?

To avoid feeling anxious about not feeling overwhelmed (I know, I know...), I had to renew my thoughts concerning the ability to rest and to do things that I actually enjoy without feeling guilty. I had to understand that I am most useful when I am able to pour into myself just as much as I am willing to pour into others. I had to relinquish the mindset that I am at my best when I am overwhelmed with things to do. And I had to tell myself that it is OKAY to take a moment to care for ME. And its possible to do that and remain on tasks with my goals! Go figure! :)

I have developed some practical tips on how you can join me on this journey of still keep the Earth in balance (smile) while still have some healthy self-care:

1) Actually set aside some time for self-care. Just like the time you go to bed, the time you wake up, what time dinner is made, etc. are all given a specific time frame in your week, also intentionally schedule time for self-care.

2) Decide what makes you feel relaxed. It could be as simple as taking a walk in the park, prayer/meditation, journaling, a massage, etc. This will be time that you take for YOU Even if it is just an hour, this hour can mean the difference between you being able to get through the next week without anxiety or completely feeling overwhelmed during  the next week.

3) Take some time to notice how you are feeling mentally and emotionally. Are you anxious? Are you still thinking of your "to-do" list even as you are supposed to be having some self care? Are you afraid that taking a break from tasks to enjoy yourself will result in things falling apart? Trust me, they won't:)

4) Relinquish the GUILT! Purposely trash any thoughts that make you feel guilty for making sure that you are mentally and emotionally harmonious so that you can be a blessing to those around you. The world won't fall apart because you for a moment think of yourself. And guess what? If it does then that means you are God and that is a whooooole other blog conversation (LOL!!).

Take Care,

Brandy Shavon, Pearls of Esther, Inc.

 

Soaring Through the "Shakiness".....

Taking a step of faith is never easy. When we take that initial step, we are often subconsciously looking for a sign or something to reassure us that the step that we are taking is indeed the right one. Can I be honest? Sometimes I feel like everything needs to go perfectly or without a "hitch" for me to feel like my step of faith was the right decision. But, sometimes things don't go according to plan. There have been times when my biggest and best decisions to step out on faith have been met with initial opposition before things started working the way they were "supposed" to. Let me give an example.

Last year, I ventured to Hawaii for my birthday and the one thing I wanted to do the most was take a helicopter ride over Diamond Head. I paid for and planned the excursion even though I was afraid of heights! I told myself, "nothing is going to stop me from doing something that I have always wanted to do." So, I went to Hawaii and the day of the helicopter ride, the wind was a bit choppy. As I buckled into the seat in the helicopter, I looked at the Pilot for extra reassurance that he could both get me off the ground and land me safely. Otherwise, he would have to call my mother and explain to her why he didn't, and I can guarantee he didn't want that (smile). As we lifted off the ground, there was a bit of shakiness and I immediately had the thought, "OH NO! THIS WAS A BAD IDEA!" Heart pounding, palms sweating, and mind racing, I sat still as the helicopter lifted beyond the "shakiness" to ascend over the beautiful waters of Waikiki Beach and Diamond Head. Let me tell you, this was one of the BEST experiences I have ever had.

What if I had never made the decision to go on this excursion? What if my decision to stay on the ground made me miss out on one of the most beautiful sites I have ever seen? Most importantly, what if the "shaking" had caused me to change my mind and retreat to staying on the ground (my comfort zone) and watching everyone else SOAR? That's why we cannot allow the "shakiness" of life to cause us to stay in our comfort zones when we know that we are called to step out in faith to go higher and be so much more!

Whatever constitutes your "shakiness" today-be it not enough money, not enough friends, not enough resources, not enough contacts, no enough education, etc., I challenge you to not stop dreaming and most importantly not stop stepping out in faith and allowing the Pilot (God) to know how to navigate you through the "shakiness." In those moments, look to Him to provide you with the reassurance that you need that He is with you and He knows how to navigate you off the ground to soar when its time to soar and back to the ground (comfort zone) when its time to rest.

Your decision to stay on the ground may cost you some of the most beautiful experiences that you have ever seen. So, SOAR through the shakiness!

Picture below of helicopter view of Diamond Head.....

Maintaining A Healthy Mindset Through Trials

We all go through challenging times in life. There are times when we look around and wonder, "what is going on? Why am I going through this?" There are times when we questions our own ability to carry on after we have experienced significantly painful circumstances.

As a therapist, I am big on exploring with my clients what they are thinking. As I listen to them recap their painful or challenging experience, I listen for key words or phrases that point to the way that they "processed" the situation at hand. Then, I like to challenge any irrational or negative thinking and show them how their thinking caused them to perhaps respond in a negative emotional manner to their experience.

In therapy terms, we call this cognitive behavioral therapy. In Biblical/spiritual terms, we call this "renewing our minds" and "taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5). I find it interesting that the Apostle Paul (in this particular Scripture) used the term "captive" to illustrate how we should handle our thought life. The definition of captive is "a person who has been taken prisoner; imprisoned or confined." As it relates to our thought life, that means that we have to confine our thought life to ensure that it is lining up with what God says about us. I also believe that taking our thoughts "captive" points to the ability of our thoughts to run wild and go into territory that can be very destructive if a tight reign isn't kept on them.

When I have gone through rough patches in life, I ask myself two questions: 1) what do I believe about God, 2) what do I believe about myself. Most often, anxiety comes when we believe that either God is inadequate to handle what we are going through or we are inadequate in some way. This activates our fight or flight response and can put us on edge. Once I am able to process through those two questions and identify my thoughts for both, then I pray and ask God to show me the TRUTH. The TRUTH is then what I began to focus on and what I began to use to affirm myself and how God is going to strengthen me to get through the situation.

Today, no matter what you may be facing, I encourage you to evaluate your thought life and if necessary, journal to get the thoughts out of your head and in front of you. After you have identified the thoughts that cause you anxiety, panic, fear, or worry, ask God to reveal the truth about who He is and His love for you. Then, take those destructive thoughts "captive" and begin to focus on your revelation that you WILL make it through not just this situation but any challenge that may come your way both present and future:)

Welcome!

We are finally HERE! We are so elated about all that God is doing within Pearls of Esther, Inc. and even more elated to share our vision with the world. We will be posting weekly blogs here that will provide you with everything from the extra encouragement to get through a Monday, to fashion tips to get through a Saturday, to how to balance your weekend in the midst of life's demands. We hope that you will be blessed by what we have to share and encourage you to drop us a line if there is any need that you have specifically that we can address! <3